These Advice given by My Father Which Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a wider inability to open up among men, who still hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a pause - spending a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."